Update

Wow how times flies when you are having fun...or not. Actually things have been good but I just haven't had the time to update on here. 
After my first chemo it was decided that I needed a port as all the chemo had taken a toll on my veins. I had a port inserted under my skin as day surgery without too much pain. The problem was the IV line that the anaesthesiologist couldn't get in. After 3 attempts (1 using a pediatric cannula) and much blood he decided to wait until we got into the OR. He then decided his only option was the vein on the inside of the wrist. Well let me tell that hurts and hurts. It was the pain of the IV line that distracted me from the pain of the port insertion. In recovery it was still a problem because no one knew I had the IV there and I had to keep my wrist straight! I now have what I refer to as a golf ball. It actually sticks out just like half a golf ball. Everyone asks, does it hurt?  Well it did for a few weeks but now it just aches here and there, nothing really much to complain about.
My next chemo we were unable to use the port because it was still new. Then came the bad news. I was unable to have chemo because my WBC count was too low. The next week I was still unable to have it again. So then I decided to have Neupogen injections to raise my WBC. Thankfully there is a program called the Victory Program where the manufacturer will pay for half the cost of the injections if you qualify. Some believe the manufacturer is actually just absorbing their markup (which is probably true!). Even if is is expensive I am very thankful that there is a product out there so I can get my chemo which I desperately need.
The good news is that the injections have worked and I have had 2 more chemo. The skin metastases have responded by shrinking. Thank you Jesus!
As we celebrate Good Friday I am so amazed at Jesus dying on the cross for my sins and yours sins. It really should be called Great Friday. But it is only Good Friday because he arose again on the 3rd day which we celebrate as Easter Sunday. 

He told them, “This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.

Luke 24:46-47 (NIV)

  

Thankful

My cancer has come back but I am thankful. Thankful for almost 3 months off of chemo. Thankful that my hair has grown back. Thankful that my eyebrows and eyelashes have grown back. Thankful for the time to feel "normal" again. Thankful that I was able to work through the last chemo. Thankful for each and every day here with family and friends. Thank you Lord.

My life verse:

2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Done

I went for my last chemo on Friday Dec 9th and waited over 2 hours for my blood work. Unfortunately due to human error (what we aren't perfect?) my blood work did not get prioritized as having chemo that day. When the blood work finally came back it was decided I could not have chemo as my blood counts were too low. So after 14 chemos my body said enough is enough. I too have said enough is enough. Although I was disappointed not to get my last chemo, on the bright side my hair will grow back a week earlier and I will feel better a week earlier! I have already started feeling better when working out. I am so thankful that my cancer responded to the chemo and it was able to take care of the skin metastasis. So many other women I know with IBC do not respond to chemo and need to keep trying different agents. I am also thankful that this chemo allowed me to continue working and living as "normal" a life as possible. Praise be to God.

A man leaves all kinds of footprints when he walks through life.
Some you can see...others are invisible, like the prints he 
leaves across other people's lives.
Margaret Lee Runbeck

So far so good

I have now had 11 chemos and the side effects are adding up. I have good days and bad days, just never know what kind of day it is going to be. But the bad days aren't really bad just achy hands but manageable with acetaminophen alone. The day after my last chemo I slept 5 hours then up for 2 hours then to bed for 12 hours. But the sleep is good and the next day I was up at 5:30 am (time change) and made some banana bread for Ashton and strawberry and chocolate scones for David. Then we were off to watch Ashton run her first half marathon! 1:43:50 chip time and we are all so happy for her.
Enjoying every moment. My beloved bringing me breakfast in bed is one of the sweet joys of life. Watching the leaves change colour is another. So many things to be thankful for.

I learned that life is not just a destination but a journey.
While the expedition can be long and arduous, it can be full of
beauty and pleasure as well.

     -- Wayne Holmes

3 Rounds Done

I have finished 3 rounds of chemo (9 chemos in all) and I feel like I have run a marathon. At first the chemo was fine but its cumulative effects are starting to wear on me. The tingling in the fingers and feet are coming, more off than on though. I am trying hard to fight off all the colds customers bring me. But I am not complaining. Life is good. I am thankful for the warm shower in the morning, the sun rise and all the new day has to bring me. I am thankful for each day I have here to share with family and friends. Thank you Jesus.

More chemo

Well I have decided against surgery for many reasons and I now have a new oncologist who is caring and knowledgeable!! Something I didn't have before. The idea of surgery was really just a stab in the dark. It would be major surgery and a skin graft was not an option. You cannot put skin on bone you need muscle. So the plastic surgeon would take my abdominal muscles and pull them up and maybe take some pectoral muscle too. It didn't sound very exciting to me but the main reason I decided against it was because there was no guarantee of clear margins. My rash thankfully has responded to the chemo so we would be cutting out a piece of skin with no idea how far or big to cut. No thanks. So we are left with chemo. The oncologist has decided I will have 5 to 6 rounds of chemo. Each round consists of once weekly chemo for 3 weeks then off 1 week. I have had 2 rounds of chemo so far. 5 rounds will take me to Christmas. My hair is falling out and I will probably spend another winter bald but it could certainly be worse. I feel fine except for some tiredness caused by the chemo. My scans were clear meaning I have no metastasis which I am thankful for. We are just going to take a wait and see approach. When (unfortunately they are not saying if) it returns we will deal with it. I am still working because I have such great co-workers who make coming to work a enjoyable. They even did the Run for the Cure on Sunday with me.

If I didn't have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist. But
I'm an optimist. I've read the last page in the Bible. It's all
going to turn out all right.
     -- Billy Graham

Treatment

I just realized the last entry was in draft so today you will see 2 entries. I have had 3 treatments of weekly chemo and the cancer rash seems to be responding. It is getting smaller, thank you Lord. The chemo this time around is similar to last time but now it is nanoparticle, albumin-bound paclitaxel which has less side effects but costs 10x the price of plain paclitaxel. You can't have it unless you have had the other first and have had side effects. Thankfully I can still work with this one.
The kids are all leaving next week for school which is causing anxiety on my part. I can't believe they will all be gone. I know they will be in God's hand and thankfully not too far away.Thank you everyone for your prayers during this time.

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him
Romans 15:13